This week I am in California … sunny, warm California. I am not here for the weather (although I am enjoying it). I am not an eager traveler – actually I am a reluctant one. Reluctant because travel disrupts my normal routine.
Change, even when we choose it, is not always welcome or easy. Yet here I am “on the road again” (with a nod to Willie Nelson). The draw for this travel is sharing my passion through Sunday talks and at workshops. Last weekend in Vacaville at Unity of the Valley … thank you, Rev. Dalia. And this upcoming weekend at Unity San Francisco … thank you, Rev. Ken. I continue to be awed and amazed by the power of Leaning Into Loss to contribute to people’s lives … mine included.
All of November I was on the East Coast … beginning with the first Leaning Into Loss retreat in West Virginia. It was an amazing experience and followed by wonderful stays with family and friends. Then I had a full week of family time for Thanksgiving at a beach house on North Carolina’s Crystal Coast. The first Sunday of December found me at Unity Center of Mills River in North Carolina’s Blue Ridge Mountains speaking and facilitating a workshop … thank you, Rev. Pat. It was fantastic.
With the exception of the driving (see my last blog), all of that time was easy, graceful, fulfilling … although definitely not my normal routine. When I returned home to Missouri in December, I had one more Sunday engagement at Unity Spiritual Center of Manhattan (Kansas) and it, too, was very good.
Then to my surprise and dismay, I entered into what I now describe as Flatland—a time of suppressing all feelings, all emotions. It was not really depression because I had some sense of choosing not to feel. Perhaps I enjoyed my stays with family and friends so much that the loss of that daily connection was too painful to acknowledge (especially to myself). During those first weeks back home and living in Flatland, I still interacted with friends and connected with people; I just experienced my life as level … joyless … flat … without any valleys or peaks.
One evening in January as I fell asleep, I knew that Flatland was lifting. And I knew that in order to see its gifts, I would have some exploration and excavation to do. Not to mention the sharing that would ensue … it has taken a little time to work up the courage and find the words to do that.
I offer these thoughts as an invitation to share your own experience with change. Have you ever enjoyed something so much that you went into Flatland when it wasn’t a part of your life anymore? How did you come out of that time? Or, maybe you avoided going into it at all? Please share.